Lonely

I don't want to complain, my life is so good right now. But there are times when I feel like there's something missing that I need. I'm not sure who will read this, and I really don't want any comments or anyone feeling that I am wanting more than just friendship right now. But I have these feelings that I'm not sure who to express them to anymore. I have friends who are going through the same things I am so it is hard to open up to them right now.

There are nights I lay alone in my bed wondering when there's going to be someone who will lay there with me. Someone who will love me the way I want to be loved. Someone who is there because they can't bear to be without me. I feel like that is never going to happen for me. After living for the last 22 years of my life with a man who didn't ever love me, a man who pretended to love me, it is hard to believe that any man will be any different.

I have a few men in my life....and maybe at this point I shouldn't. But I do. Anyone who wants to make more of this revelation than is there needs to step back and let me live my life the way I choose at this point. Yes, I am seeing guys. That is my business, and even though I am sharing it here, I am not doing so to be criticized by anyone or to be grilled about my relationships with them by anyone.

Tonight I am feeling pretty lonely. Please don't tell me I am not alone, because I am. I am tired of hearing that I am not alone from people who have someone laying next to them every night. I am alone. And I feel like I will always be alone. The men in my life, and there's only two of them, they aren't with me to be with me forever. At least that's not how I feel.

Why don't men love me? I don't understand that. I am tired of being alone.